Friday, June 28, 2013

Sometimes life isn't happy.

No matter how hard we try, no matter how hard we wish, sometimes life brings us unhappiness. Sometimes it is a depth of unhappiness that causes us to get out of bed a lot slower, if at all. The pain can be so deep that it doesn't seem like it is real, like it has to be a horrible dream and you just can't wait to wake up from it. Sadly, you don't wake up, you just keep moving forward because life forces you to. The craziest thing about pain and loss is that the world keeps spinning, you look around and want to scream JUST STOP FOR ONE MINUTE!!! It never works though, it just keeps going, people don't stop rushing when we think that they should, when we want so badly to force them to, so you can catch your breath.

This week we lost a very good friend. He ended his battle with cancer the best way he knew how and he found his way to Heaven peacefully at home with his wife's hand on his chest. It couldn't have been a more beautiful way for him to go and it couldn't have been more painful for those left behind. Jason was one of those people who left an impression on every person he came in contact with. Over these last few days I have talked to more people who, for all rights, really had no reason to know him or at least remember him and every single one of them said the same thing "Oh yes, I remember Jason, he was such a great guy" he left behind a wife and two children and the heartbreak they are going through is something we can never even attempt to understand. We are left with the impossible task of easing the pain as best we can, which we all know we can't.

Jason fought a fight that nobody should ever have to and one I will never understand the reason for. Over the last year we have watched this man give his every effort to fighting for his life and never once did he complain. Never one time did he have a frustrated word to say he just put his gloves on and went into the ring. He fought long and hard and as hard as it is to see him go I know that he is finally at peace, he isn't fighting anymore he is happy and riding dirt bikes all day with his contagious smile on his face. That knowledge is what will get us through our time here until we get to see him again one day. In so many respects, he is the lucky one!

In his last few days I was blessed beyond my wildest imagination to get to experience two things I will take with me forever. I saw Jason a few hours before he left us I was able to hold his hand and kiss his head and say goodbye one final time. I had no idea the depth of that blessing until I received the phone call that he was gone. When I left I gave him a kiss to say "until I see you again" and when I get to see him again he will be whole, he will be the man we all loved so much. The day after he passed I was with his wife and daughter when she was told Daddy had gone to Heaven, she looked at her mom with her innocent 5 year old eyes and said "I know mommy, Daddy came and told me today" it was the most beautiful thing I have ever been allowed to witness and I will remember that moment forever.

As we move forward from here I hope that we all take a piece of Jason with us, I hope we spread his kindness wherever we go. I pray that we can keep his memory alive in every action we take and that we don't just say those words but actually put them into action. I pray we "Find Our Happy" in honor of Jason and live a life he would be proud of.

We will miss you Jason. Every. Single. Day.

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